I hope I die laughing :D

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It’s funny story time again! I have a few that I have been remembering and/or experiencing since last time, so here we go!
I have only ever heard this story, but its legend at one of my jobs. One of my patients saw our med tech walking through the dining room in her direction. All of a sudden this patient dove under the table and yelled “THE GERMANS ARE COMING!” The med tech, in true fashion with how we often react to crazy things that my patients do, played along. She dove under the nearest table too. Apparently this happened another time, only the patient got a little confused and hollered Jews instead of Germans. Whoops! :)

Recently I was helping a patient out of the shower and into her pajamas, and she had ted hose (compression stockings that are meant to compress the leg to prevent swelling and blood clots) and those are really hard to get on a patient under normal circumstances, but to put them on someone who is wet is twenty times harder, so I was trying to explain that. Here is the conversation:
Patient: Aren’t we going to put on my teds?
Me: Of course, but it is a lot easier to put them on after you’ve had a little time to dry off. It’s really hard to put them on damp people. (Here is where I stop because she is giving me a funny look and I have realized what it really sounds like I said) Let me rephrase that—(and now I’m laughing) It is hard to get them on slightly wet people.
Patient: No I understand it’s hard to get them on those damp patients. (She is now laughing with me)
The last one for this week is the story of the hearing aide. This hearing aide belonged to a cantankerous yet hilarious patient when it met its fate. It helped the CNAs so they would not have to literally yell in this patient’s ear to communicate, it clarified sound, it allowed her to listen to her favorite movie over and over and over, Sound of Music. Its parts were found scattered in a peanut bowl. How did it meet its fate, you might ask? She chewed it-chewed it to bits. Then spit it into her nut bowl.

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