Coping~How CNAs, patients and families deal with grief and heartache

There are many reasons for grieving and hurting in this life-heaven knows we have all experienced some pain on varying degrees, whether it be a dull aching pain or a stabbing agony, we have all felt some sort of discomfort. It's a part of life-a necessary part, however hard that lesson is to learn. Over the years I have watched thousands of family members deal with some sort of frustration when it comes to a loved one-from the frustrations of a parent who refuses to shower to the loss or crippling illness of a beloved family member, I've seen it all. Psychologists have decided on five steps people go through when grieving in some way, it's called "The five stages of grieving" (go figure) In a psychology class I took they showed us a youtube video that has always helped me remember these stages as well as laugh in the process. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Z3lmidmr

In all seriousness however, grief is real. I'm going to list the five stages of grief, as well as expound on them a little in order to make this a little more personal.

1.Denial-This doesn't make sense right? If you have a problem staring you in the face ie: an ambulance in front of your house to take your mom to the hospital because she is having a stroke or your dad comatose in his hospital bed being given liquid morphine right before he passes, the last thing that you would think would happen is that you would be denying that it was happening. We see this a lot in CNAs especially--as a CNA, once you have worked in the field long enough, as I have, you know the telltale signs of an elderly patient dying. Their health suddenly declines, with injury after injury occurring, they stop eating as much/at all, the veil seems very thin for them-they often see family members who have passed on, and can interact with them, they seem to slip into a comatose-like state, and finally the death rattle. We know these! We see this all the time, and yet when our own family members or even beloved patients start exhibiting these signs, you better believe we are the last ones to admit it. We hem and ha and try to justify their behaviors, and it takes us a long time to admit that. Once denial passes and the reality sets in after we allow it, a lot of frustration occurs.

2. Anger-This is very prevalent in patients and their family members. Most aides I know tend to fly right by this stage, again, because we see this so much and for us it seems more natural. Patients and their families will lash out wherever they can as they try to adjust to the new burden they are being told to carry. Patients and family members tend to lash out at each other, as well as the medical staff, which is okay. Part of my job is helping them work through this process, and if that means I get yelled at for putting ice in a cup when they didn't want ice, or anything like that, so be it. I have learned and am still learning to not take it personally. They are just learning to readjust their new burden to fit their back. 

3. Bargaining-This is a lot on a personal level. This is an attempt to plead with God to alter the path they are on and change it for the better. I know I've done this, and I'm so grateful for my knowledge that my Heavenly Father hears me, even if He doesn't give me what I ask for.

4. Depression-Patients have a hard time keeping their spirits up for a while when they realize that sometimes we have to just endure the trials we are given. Sometimes there isn't an easy way out, and that the inevitable is going to happen. It's completely understandable, but often patients tend to linger on this stage.

5. Acceptance-The peace that comes of knowing that we are internally okay with what is about to happen, that we are in God's hands, and He will take care of us no matter what the outcome. Those who believe in a Higher Power and an afterlife tend to arrive at this stage easier and faster.

Grief and hard times hit, but as we work through the process and lean on our Heavenly Father and others, we can find peace with whatever problem we have in our lives.