Even When It Hurts

I have worked with dementia patients for several years now, so much that it has almost become routine. I never think anything of it anymore. Because of that, I sometimes forget what a hard trial it can be on the family members of those who suffer this degenerative disease. At one of my facilities I have been working with a patient who not only has dementia but has recently suffered a stroke, so her speech has been very impaired. She has, over the time she has spent at our facility, been improving in her communicating, and we can now understand a lot more of what she says, although she still doesn't finish sentences and we sometimes have to fill in the holes.


I saw her daughter in her bedroom with her last night, and I slipped in to greet her and check on my patient. Her daughter has been so dedicated in coming to visit and caring for her mom, but as is often the case, her mom cannot remember that they are related, and as a result her daughter often leaves crying. I have talked to her many times, I understand a lot of the ups and downs of losing her mom as I've watched one family in particular deal with this enormous struggle, and so I have tried to be there for her as she adjusts to this. Last night as we were putting her mom to bed her mom grabbed my hand and said "I love you". I told her good night and stepped back, and she approached her mom. Her mom grabbed her hand and said "You be sure to take good care of your mother, okay?" and her daughter started to cry, and just looked at me, then turned back to her mom and said "Okay, I will", and left. She didn't say anything to me as she left, just silently cried on her way out into the cold.

I thought about that for a long time. I know one day her mother will know her again, but to hear your mom tell a stranger that she loves them but not recognize you would be so hard! But the fact that night after night she continues to faithfully come and care for a mother who wouldn't know if she never came again is a dedication and strength that I admire so much in her. Enduring the pain she does every time she comes, but being loyal and loving to her mother in spite of it takes a courage far beyond my own. Sometimes love hurts, sometimes love is hard, sometimes it seems that there will be no reward for the faithfulness, the dedication, the heartache, but there will be! One day she will know, and sometimes the enduring is what gives us strength.