Long Distance Relationships-Why We Should Respect Instead of Belittle
Today's post is something I have strong feelings about, so this one might be a little more passionate, but I feel like it's an important thing to address, and I would like to make a stand to anyone who reads this blog, in the hopes that I can help diffuse some prejudices (and yes, I mean prejudice) about LDRs (long distance relationships). We learned in my Family Relations class a few weeks ago that communication is broken down as follows:
Words=14%
Tone=35%
Non-verbal=51%
We will be forced at times, no matter our relationship, to use alternative forms of communication, and they cut out 86% of our communication ability, but does that mean that we can't make this work? Does this mean that a military man or woman has no hope of ever finding and retaining love? Does it mean that we can never maintain a healthy relationship with someone who we don't see every day? Absolutely not! It just means that your communication skills have to be better than the average couple.
I think that's why most people dog on LDRs, because many couples, many friendships, many relationships of any kind don't have the depth or maturity to have those deep conversations to make sure that their partner's needs are met in every way without being able to use tools of Tone and Non-Verbal communication. Now I would like to ask: Why would you scoff at someone who can pull off something you have (in terms of relationships), but with less tools at their disposal?? It makes it even more amazing that they did! I, for one, find it highly impressive if two people, no matter the relationship between them, that can find a way to make that relationship last no matter the distance or limitations.
Now something to think about: just because a LDR isn't something you might consider doing, never does that give you license to belittle, attack, or be rude to someone who is in one. I currently am writing a missionary, we are just friends, but maybe something will happen when he gets back. Am I aware that it might not work out? Absolutely. Do I know he and I will both change as time passes? You bet! But guess what? Relationships don't work out a lot of the time, and I'll tell you something: Our friendship has lasted over a year and a half now, where friendships and relationships I've had in that time frame haven't! That says something to me. The fact that we can communicate effectively, talk about anything, and just be ourselves from almost 1700 miles away! The fact that men who live two blocks away don't make me feel the way he did. As for changing, of course we will, but the people around you that you love and cherish change too, and how awful would it be if they didn't! We should all be changing and progressing as time passes, I would be disappointed in both of us if two years had gone by and neither had changed a bit.
I wish I had taken a head count of how many people have, throughout the time he has been gone, given me unsolicited advice, or made rude, disrespectful and derogatory comments towards me. You would be appalled at the comments people have made. No matter what the situation, no person on earth has the right to treat another human being the way I have been treated when people learn this fact about me. It doesn't bother me anymore, because I've learned who's opinion matters to me, and that what I prayerfully do is no one else's business, to be blunt.
My last word on this subject is that LDRs are hard, very hard, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but mostly because of how you are treated by other people when you are in one. If you are in one, hang in there!! Discouragement comes, nights are long, but remember why you started: you care about this person enough to sacrifice, and you are strong enough to do this. :)
Words=14%
Tone=35%
Non-verbal=51%
We will be forced at times, no matter our relationship, to use alternative forms of communication, and they cut out 86% of our communication ability, but does that mean that we can't make this work? Does this mean that a military man or woman has no hope of ever finding and retaining love? Does it mean that we can never maintain a healthy relationship with someone who we don't see every day? Absolutely not! It just means that your communication skills have to be better than the average couple.
I think that's why most people dog on LDRs, because many couples, many friendships, many relationships of any kind don't have the depth or maturity to have those deep conversations to make sure that their partner's needs are met in every way without being able to use tools of Tone and Non-Verbal communication. Now I would like to ask: Why would you scoff at someone who can pull off something you have (in terms of relationships), but with less tools at their disposal?? It makes it even more amazing that they did! I, for one, find it highly impressive if two people, no matter the relationship between them, that can find a way to make that relationship last no matter the distance or limitations.
Now something to think about: just because a LDR isn't something you might consider doing, never does that give you license to belittle, attack, or be rude to someone who is in one. I currently am writing a missionary, we are just friends, but maybe something will happen when he gets back. Am I aware that it might not work out? Absolutely. Do I know he and I will both change as time passes? You bet! But guess what? Relationships don't work out a lot of the time, and I'll tell you something: Our friendship has lasted over a year and a half now, where friendships and relationships I've had in that time frame haven't! That says something to me. The fact that we can communicate effectively, talk about anything, and just be ourselves from almost 1700 miles away! The fact that men who live two blocks away don't make me feel the way he did. As for changing, of course we will, but the people around you that you love and cherish change too, and how awful would it be if they didn't! We should all be changing and progressing as time passes, I would be disappointed in both of us if two years had gone by and neither had changed a bit.
I wish I had taken a head count of how many people have, throughout the time he has been gone, given me unsolicited advice, or made rude, disrespectful and derogatory comments towards me. You would be appalled at the comments people have made. No matter what the situation, no person on earth has the right to treat another human being the way I have been treated when people learn this fact about me. It doesn't bother me anymore, because I've learned who's opinion matters to me, and that what I prayerfully do is no one else's business, to be blunt.
My last word on this subject is that LDRs are hard, very hard, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but mostly because of how you are treated by other people when you are in one. If you are in one, hang in there!! Discouragement comes, nights are long, but remember why you started: you care about this person enough to sacrifice, and you are strong enough to do this. :)
Comments
Post a Comment