The Myth We Buy Into
Human nature is an interesting thing- at times when trying to help us progress or gain something, it can actually detract from or delay our final goal by the methods our instincts guide us to use. Let me elaborate-I now work in an office setting, where I am a supervisor over about 30 employees who constantly handle phone calls, walk-ins, and instant message with clients who need assistance, want to be signed up for different programs we offer, applicants to our facility, etc. Obviously, at some point we are going to have someone who is unhappy with a policy or something they have been told. I am shocked time and again with people who contact us who attempt to bully their way into getting what they want. It seems to be their default setting, to berate, abuse, or attack the employees in their efforts to achieve their goal.
Now I understand that sometimes offices give you a run-around, I have been tossed from office to office as I try to get answers for my questions, or as I am trying to get the best information from a doctor. It is extremely frustrating, time consuming, and discouraging. I understand that the answer they give will affect your life, and that when you are denied something you really think is an answer to your problems, it can be aggravating. Believe me, I can wrap my head around that.
What I can't understand is how human nature drives people who are generally very kind and thoughtful to become cruel, pushy, and abusive when refused something they want, or something they feel entitled to. I am baffled by this, because, as humans, when someone treats us in that way, our first instinct is to fight back, or at least make it as hard as possible for them to get what they want.Why would we follow our instinct to participate in a behavior that we know intrinsically will cause us more problems. Why would we buy into the myth that if we lash out and throw a fit, employees will jump to our beck and call? Speaking from experience as a supervisor, I care about my employees! If I see someone mistreating my employees or being rude, I get really protective, and I have to fight the urge to be as unhelpful as possible to them in return, and as a result, that person gets less help than if they were open and kind when receiving counsel. Allow me to use a couple examples to illustrate:
I have a coworker who is one of the most gentle, soft spoken, and sweet girls I've ever met. One morning she was taking phone calls and called me to tell me she had a client that I needed to counsel on his options. I could hear in her voice that something was wrong, and I thought I heard her sniffle. I hung up the phone and walked back to where she was sitting, and quiet sobs were echoing over the cubicle. She had just been verbally attacked by a man who was still on hold, and she couldn't even speak for a moment she was so upset. I was infuriated, and I told her she could transfer the call to me and I would handle it. As I tried to handle the call, I had the hardest time being helpful, and I couldn't shake my overwhelming feelings of indignation at him. I'm sure I didn't give him the best counsel because I couldn't think, my adrenaline was flowing freely, and I was grateful to get off the phone with him to check on her.
Another time it was I who was screamed at. I was on the phone with a gentleman I was trying to help, and the more I tried to explain his options, the more enraged he became. He yelled and yelled, telling me how unhelpful I was and how I and the company I work for are terrible, and he continued to verbally assault me for fifteen minutes. Can you imagine sitting on the phone listening to someone flinging cruel comments at you for fifteen minutes with no chance to defend yourself? As I finally was able to put him on hold to look into the situation, the tears streamed down my face as I turned to my supervisor and asked for help. He was extremely kind, and tried to comfort me. My bosses gathered around me and offered assistance, and I was able to compose myself enough to get back on the phone, but I didn't give him the best answer, instead I opted to give him the simplest answer so he would get off the phone.
My mother once told me "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar" and it is true. You might get something a little faster, but next time you might get burned badly because of how you treated someone. Beyond that, you will regret how rash you were. Do the ends justify the means? Bear that in mind the next time you are tempted to unleash your anger on someone else.
Now I understand that sometimes offices give you a run-around, I have been tossed from office to office as I try to get answers for my questions, or as I am trying to get the best information from a doctor. It is extremely frustrating, time consuming, and discouraging. I understand that the answer they give will affect your life, and that when you are denied something you really think is an answer to your problems, it can be aggravating. Believe me, I can wrap my head around that.
What I can't understand is how human nature drives people who are generally very kind and thoughtful to become cruel, pushy, and abusive when refused something they want, or something they feel entitled to. I am baffled by this, because, as humans, when someone treats us in that way, our first instinct is to fight back, or at least make it as hard as possible for them to get what they want.Why would we follow our instinct to participate in a behavior that we know intrinsically will cause us more problems. Why would we buy into the myth that if we lash out and throw a fit, employees will jump to our beck and call? Speaking from experience as a supervisor, I care about my employees! If I see someone mistreating my employees or being rude, I get really protective, and I have to fight the urge to be as unhelpful as possible to them in return, and as a result, that person gets less help than if they were open and kind when receiving counsel. Allow me to use a couple examples to illustrate:
I have a coworker who is one of the most gentle, soft spoken, and sweet girls I've ever met. One morning she was taking phone calls and called me to tell me she had a client that I needed to counsel on his options. I could hear in her voice that something was wrong, and I thought I heard her sniffle. I hung up the phone and walked back to where she was sitting, and quiet sobs were echoing over the cubicle. She had just been verbally attacked by a man who was still on hold, and she couldn't even speak for a moment she was so upset. I was infuriated, and I told her she could transfer the call to me and I would handle it. As I tried to handle the call, I had the hardest time being helpful, and I couldn't shake my overwhelming feelings of indignation at him. I'm sure I didn't give him the best counsel because I couldn't think, my adrenaline was flowing freely, and I was grateful to get off the phone with him to check on her.
Another time it was I who was screamed at. I was on the phone with a gentleman I was trying to help, and the more I tried to explain his options, the more enraged he became. He yelled and yelled, telling me how unhelpful I was and how I and the company I work for are terrible, and he continued to verbally assault me for fifteen minutes. Can you imagine sitting on the phone listening to someone flinging cruel comments at you for fifteen minutes with no chance to defend yourself? As I finally was able to put him on hold to look into the situation, the tears streamed down my face as I turned to my supervisor and asked for help. He was extremely kind, and tried to comfort me. My bosses gathered around me and offered assistance, and I was able to compose myself enough to get back on the phone, but I didn't give him the best answer, instead I opted to give him the simplest answer so he would get off the phone.
My mother once told me "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar" and it is true. You might get something a little faster, but next time you might get burned badly because of how you treated someone. Beyond that, you will regret how rash you were. Do the ends justify the means? Bear that in mind the next time you are tempted to unleash your anger on someone else.
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