The Disgustingly Happy Newlyweds

Tyler and I have been married for just over seven months now, and it's the comments of those around us who have driven me to write this post. Lest any of you cringe, it wasn't negative comments but rather the casual or slightly surprised "You guys are so happy" remarks that have started the cogs turning for me. Each one has caught me off guard, because why shouldn't we be happy? These thoughts might come across jumbled, but here are a few reasons why Tyler and I are "so happy":

1. We have an eternal marriage-- 

We knelt across an altar in the Ogden temple on April 25th and covenanted to each other and to our God for time and for all eternity that we would heed and follow His commandments, and that if we do so, we will be blessed to be together forever. I get to keep Tyler for the rest of eternity if I do my best here on earth. It is my covenanted responsibility to cherish him. That's bigger than any argument we could have about if we should print our wedding invitations at Walmart (it's hilarious now!). More importantly it has to be bigger than my pride, or my desire to be right, or my stubborn personality. This leads me to the next reason.

2. We disagree--

We have a rule at our house: I will always love you, but I don't always have to like you. Thanks to Reason #1, I know that even if he doesn't like me and leaves to take a drive or go for a walk, he's coming back, and we have to try again. And again. And again until we succeed. I will never understand how he can love putting mayo AND Chick-fil-a sauce on a ham sandwich. We will probably never agree on who it is that is taking up too much of the bed. Regardless of how frustrating the fight or what we may disagree on, we don't quit. And there's something reassuring in knowing that your best friend isn't going to quit on you, and will love you through anything. 

3. It's all about perspective--

While recently at a bridal shower I was asked as the newlywed in the room to tell the upcoming bride "how married life is". When I answered "it's great!" the rebuttal was that I am "just a newlywed" and to "just wait and see!" I was speechless. I understand that there is a honeymoon charm to the early stages of marriage, but is it really not possible to be happily married and enjoying your spouse beyond your first or second year together? How devastating to consider marriage to be such a joy-sucking institution, and isn't that just what Satan would want us to think? Not every part of marriage is beautiful and perfect, but if you focus on the positive, the rougher parts aren't quite so hard. I could focus on Tyler's imperfections, but instead I like to remember how he rubs my feet when I'm sore, or brings me food at work when I'm all out, or comes grocery shopping with me because I like the company, or how he cuddles me til I giggle when I've had a bad day. It makes me a happier person, I feel better about him and myself when I'm positive. 

4. There is good in the world

I get asked on a regular and frequent basis as I do community presentations for my job at the battered women's shelter how I don't get depressed with all the evil and cruelty I see on a daily basis. It's true, I've seen human beings treat each other in the most inhumane and revolting ways, ESPECIALLY to the people they claim to love. This isn't isolated to victims of abuse; I remember being a teenager and wondering why so few couples around me were affectionate or loving to each other, at least in any way I could tell. That thought, by itself, is depressing. 

However, you must also look around for those who are generating good in the world: the kind soul who holds the door for a dozen people before heading into the building himself, or the woman who pays for the person behind her, or the family who gives their Christmas to those in need instead of each other. Not only should you look for them, you should become them. I want others to see a happy and successful marriage when they look at Tyler and I. I want my clients to see a man who treats a woman with love and respect. I hope to set an example of a healthy relationship. If I want good to be in the world, I need to step up and help create that. 

So you might get sick of the disgustingly happy newlyweds, whether it's in person or on social media, but at least now you know why we are so happy :)  Merry Christmas everyone!