Letting them go

I work in an assisted living center and a rehab for post op.I have lost dozens of patients. The ones that I was close to I write their name in my copy of 'The Locket' by Richard Paul Evans. I hate pulling that book down from the shelf to write another name in it, but it helps me remember them each in turn and the fun memories we have had. It isn't uncommon for me to turn to the obituaries and see a name of a patient I have cared for. Losing a patient is a very heart-wrenching event. Since I have been away at school, I had forgotten how it felt to lose a patient, how sharp the sting actually is.

I had a patient at one of my jobs that was dying of cancer: two different kinds actually, and her chances aren't good. This is the third time she has been diagnosed with cancer in her lifetime. When she first arrived at the facility I was very intimidated by her. She is a no-nonsense, direct, commanding woman, and she isn't afraid to say what she thinks. I had been her aide a few times, when one night I had to give her a shower, which meant a lot more time spent with her than I normally would. As I prepped the bathroom and collected her clothes, she started to tell me about her life. We talked and talked, and I learned that she was a battered woman in her marriage, and she had the courage to kick her husband out and start a new life without him.

I saw a new patient that night. It's so funny how a little conversation can change 'just another patient' into someone we will connect with and love. We talked long after I had finished helping her, and we were very close after that. I would sneak her extra goldfish, (they seemed to be something that she could eat without throwing up or feeling nauseous) and come hold her hand whenever I got a second. She would ask the aides on shift if I was working, and to tell me to come visit, and I loved it.

She moved out of our facility the other day, and I didn't get to say goodbye. The chances of my seeing her again before she passes are slim to none. I had a hard time with that, and was emotional about it for a while. However, today I was going through my quote box, and I came across a great quote from a song I don't know, but the lyrics gave me some comfort. It says "In Christ there are no goodbyes, in Christ there is no end, so I hold onto Jesus with all that I have to see you again". It is true, in Christ and through the mercy of our loving Heavenly Parents, we can see those we love again! We will know them and they will not be changed in personality, they will still be the beloved friends and family that we know now. I know Heavenly Father will take care of her, and I'll see her, and that is enough. :)