Some of the more light-hearted moments... :)
I've told you guys about a lot of meaningful, spiritual moments at work. We have those moments a lot, don't get me wrong, but there is a whole lot of funny mixed in there too. Today I'd like to share a few:
- One night another aide, we'll call her Amy, and I were getting a patient in bed. Amy is a very sweet, sincere aide, she is good to work with. Anyways, we were getting this patient tucked in, putting her water and tray by her, and we always have to make sure their call light button is near them so they can call if they need something. The patient asked "Where is my button?" but Amy misheard. She thought she said 'Where is my butt?' and without missing a beat Amy kindly pokes her in the bum and says "It's right here!" The patient and I just looked at each other and busted up laughing. Amy was mortified, but it was a fun moment.
- One of my patients, she just passed away, had these dolls that she called her babies/children. She would feed them, so they had dry yogurt, applesauce, etc. all over their faces and clothes. Even when we started giving her water specified for the babies, somehow she would still get food in her room to feed them. Every once in a while as the aides we would need to sneak 'the children' out of her room to wash them. One day it was my turn to put my life on the line to kidnap the kids. I say that because I had been warned what happened to the last aide who got caught taking the kids: ie they got chased down the hallway with a cane swinging at them. This patient has a remarkable memory, and since I was her Saturday shower aide, I wasn't interested in running for my life for the rest of my career. As soon as another aide was wheeling her down the hallway for breakfast, I snuck in, grabbed the dolls, and sprinted for the laundry room, just in case she turned around. I put the dolls in, poured the soap in, started the washer, and went about my business. My shift ended at two, I went home and thought nothing of it. Around 5pm I got a phone call from the other aides. "Hey girl, were you the one who put the kids in the washer?" "Yeah that was me!" "Well, one of them was porcelain." "......oh man." Who gives an eighty something year old lady a porcelain doll to smear with yogurt I'll never know, but that doll no longer is recognizable. Someone got her another doll, and she didn't seem to notice, but I was forever afraid she would come after me. She still could ha ha
- The last story for this week is about one of my very favorite patients, for the fact that she makes me laugh more than anyone. This woman has the mouth of a sailor, and she isn't afraid to use it when you are doing anything she doesn't like, such as changing her soaking brief, making her brush her teeth, or even get in bed. Her favorite words are fart, poop, and $%&#. I was terrified when I first started taking care of her, but time quickly taught me to laugh when she started swearing. She is harmless. There are a few topics you can talk about with her to keep her distracted sometimes to keep her calm, such as when she lived in Vegas, asking if she liked my outfit, or anything Disney. I would purposely wear my Disney scrub top just to give us something to talk about. Anyways, one night I took another aide in there with me, she had been slightly combative that night, and the work goes faster with two. We put her in the wheelchair, took her in the bathroom, and set her on the toilet. As we were doing this, she is yelling swear words, calling us every profanity in the book, and I'm not really paying attention, until I hear her yell "...#$%$ #%$, AND I SHOVEL SNOW BETTER THAN EITHER OF YOU!!!" I was doubled over laughing, I will never forget that. :)
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