When the Caregiver becomes the Observer
These last few weeks have been pretty wild for my family and myself with 5 visits in one week of my loved ones into the E.R., it started at 10:30 pm on Sunday, I was getting ready for bed, just finished brushing my teeth when from the bathroom my roommate sticks her head out the door and says "Do you have a problem with vomit?" Now, were that to have been said to anyone else, it would seem a strange question, but I'm a CNA, craziness runs in the profession :) My reply was "No", to which she asked me to come sit with her, that she didn't want to be alone, so I came in and sat on the edge of the tub and rubbed her back and encouraged her as she threw up. I have absolutely sense of smell anymore, (little blessings haha) which is perfect for situations like this!
We had a little miracle while we were enduring this long night. My poor little roomie had diarrhea and nausea and couldn't get a bit of rest before one or the other was coming, and we hit about 2am and she had barely been able to lay down a handful of times before she had to get back up, and when we tried rehydrating her it lasted about 5 minutes in her body before it came back, and I didn't know what else to do. Her fiance turned to me and asked me what to do, and I without even thinking, being guided, said "Pray. Let's pray that she can be given a break so that she can get some rest." She had had to settle with resting her head on her arm on the toilet seat to rest in between episodes. We had a prayer in that little bathroom pleading with our Heavenly Father to please give her a chance to rest, and we needed one as well. Not 15 minutes later she was down on the floor asleep for about 2 hours, when before our prayer she had not been able to leave the toilet between attacks. Heavenly Father answers our prayers and pleadings, I know He does, and I'm so grateful for that.
She turned out to have some really bad food poisoning that kept us up all night and ended with an early morning field trip to the E.R. We were some tired people when we got back home having been up for over 31 hours. This was a long night for several reasons, because I realized I much prefer being the caregiver than the loved one of the sick person. By the time we got to the hospital at 6am, we had been up for like 25 hours or something, and we were a mess. I had driven, my roomie and her fiance sat in back; I parked in the front loop and walked them in and got her headed into her room and decided I'd be responsible and obey the 5 minute parking sign and move the car. When I came back I was informed that I would not only not be allowed to go back and sit with her, but that I was not allowed to be told of her condition or the treatments unless I was family (or a fiance), and even worse, if her fiance left her side to come tell me what was happening he would not be permitted back in with her.
By this point I'm pretty mad, and when I asked why, I was told that the doctor was relatively new (and apparently a little power happy), and since the doctors are allowed to decide how much company each patient has, and that was what he had decided. I waited in that E. R. with no word on my roommate for almost 4 hours with no word on her condition or what tests they were running. There is no more helpless feeling than being locked out of somewhere you want to be, watching carefully every time the doors swing open, hoping it's news about your loved one and being disappointed every time it's not. The chairs are uncomfortable, the TV doesn't interest you, it's a miserable place to be.
I hadn't been that frustrated in a long long time! To be told I couldn't go somewhere when I have some, (not much a but a bit) experience and knowledge that I could put to use with my friend was maddening, and I may have gotten home and called the doctor some less than lovely names :) I had never felt so helpless! I suddenly found myself in the shoes of my patients families: they can't do anything, you are the only one who can do things or tell them what is going on, and they tend to get underfoot if you don't address concerns right away. I hope to never have to try to learn my compassion like that again, but I look back now (now that she is feeling great again!) and realized what a great learning experience that was for me. I will do my best to never again be impatient and quick to be short with family when their loved one is in my care, because now I know the feeling. I will try to be more considerate of their need for knowledge and updates, because I know how that feels. I learn every day how to better serve my patients and their families, and that was one I hope to never need to repeat. :)
P.S. Everyone in my family as well as my roommate are all just fine now! Thank heavens for blessings :)
We had a little miracle while we were enduring this long night. My poor little roomie had diarrhea and nausea and couldn't get a bit of rest before one or the other was coming, and we hit about 2am and she had barely been able to lay down a handful of times before she had to get back up, and when we tried rehydrating her it lasted about 5 minutes in her body before it came back, and I didn't know what else to do. Her fiance turned to me and asked me what to do, and I without even thinking, being guided, said "Pray. Let's pray that she can be given a break so that she can get some rest." She had had to settle with resting her head on her arm on the toilet seat to rest in between episodes. We had a prayer in that little bathroom pleading with our Heavenly Father to please give her a chance to rest, and we needed one as well. Not 15 minutes later she was down on the floor asleep for about 2 hours, when before our prayer she had not been able to leave the toilet between attacks. Heavenly Father answers our prayers and pleadings, I know He does, and I'm so grateful for that.
She turned out to have some really bad food poisoning that kept us up all night and ended with an early morning field trip to the E.R. We were some tired people when we got back home having been up for over 31 hours. This was a long night for several reasons, because I realized I much prefer being the caregiver than the loved one of the sick person. By the time we got to the hospital at 6am, we had been up for like 25 hours or something, and we were a mess. I had driven, my roomie and her fiance sat in back; I parked in the front loop and walked them in and got her headed into her room and decided I'd be responsible and obey the 5 minute parking sign and move the car. When I came back I was informed that I would not only not be allowed to go back and sit with her, but that I was not allowed to be told of her condition or the treatments unless I was family (or a fiance), and even worse, if her fiance left her side to come tell me what was happening he would not be permitted back in with her.
By this point I'm pretty mad, and when I asked why, I was told that the doctor was relatively new (and apparently a little power happy), and since the doctors are allowed to decide how much company each patient has, and that was what he had decided. I waited in that E. R. with no word on my roommate for almost 4 hours with no word on her condition or what tests they were running. There is no more helpless feeling than being locked out of somewhere you want to be, watching carefully every time the doors swing open, hoping it's news about your loved one and being disappointed every time it's not. The chairs are uncomfortable, the TV doesn't interest you, it's a miserable place to be.
I hadn't been that frustrated in a long long time! To be told I couldn't go somewhere when I have some, (not much a but a bit) experience and knowledge that I could put to use with my friend was maddening, and I may have gotten home and called the doctor some less than lovely names :) I had never felt so helpless! I suddenly found myself in the shoes of my patients families: they can't do anything, you are the only one who can do things or tell them what is going on, and they tend to get underfoot if you don't address concerns right away. I hope to never have to try to learn my compassion like that again, but I look back now (now that she is feeling great again!) and realized what a great learning experience that was for me. I will do my best to never again be impatient and quick to be short with family when their loved one is in my care, because now I know the feeling. I will try to be more considerate of their need for knowledge and updates, because I know how that feels. I learn every day how to better serve my patients and their families, and that was one I hope to never need to repeat. :)
P.S. Everyone in my family as well as my roommate are all just fine now! Thank heavens for blessings :)
I sure love you Jade (: Thank you for sharing your wonderful perspectives.
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