Dumb and Dumber~the stupidest EMTs I've ever met

We’ve been taught since we were very young the combination 9-1-1 for emergencies. Our parents would carefully bring the phone over and let us pretend to push the buttons, and teach us the importance of calling it if there was ever a problem. We knew the gravity of that, and it was always a dreaded prospect if we ever had to. 

As a caregiver I have often been put in a position where I have had to call EMS (emergency medical services) whether it be for a diabetic patient who hadn’t eaten and their blood sugar drops dangerously, a patient who has fallen, or a patient who’s O₂  levels are hovering in the 60-70%, or any other number of problems we can’t take care of at my facility. By the time we have to call EMS, we are in some trouble, and we need them to be fast, efficient, and kind. I have met at least a hundred EMTs, paramedics and sheriffs over my years of work, and had almost all fantastic experiences. They are so good about addressing our concerns, quickly evaluating and transporting in a professional manner, and I can turn my patients over to them without another worry. 

I have two stories of experiences with EMS, one good and one really bad one. We’ll start with the good one (good stories are never as much fun as the bad ones ;) haha ) I was at work, it was around 8pm, and I was putting one of my patients to bed. To give you a little back story, I had been experiencing a few syncopy (fainting) episodes recently, and was being tested right and left for what could be causing it. I would get really dizzy, black out, and wake up with my whole body shaking, it looked like I was having a seizure. Afterwards I would be exhausted and all the muscles in my body would ache for a day after. Anyway, I was getting this patient’s polar ice machine ready (ice pack usually used for knee patients) when a wave of dizziness hit me. The patient’s floors are hardwood, and I knew I didn’t want to go down on that, but I also knew I only had seconds. She was right in the middle of saying something when I stood and bolted for the door. 

I got out in the hallway, grabbed the railing and slid to the floor, pulled my knees up, and tried to breathe. I don’t think I actually passed out, but I don’t know how long I sat there, when my boss came running over to me. My boss is one of the best men and caregivers I have ever known. He is a dedicated, hard working, and very kind man. He will stop what he is doing to come help the aides, and isn’t above doing CNA work if the situation calls for it, which is VERY rare for a nurse, let alone a Director of Nursing, who has much more to keep him busy and oversee than the nurses on the floor. I would take a bullet for him, he is awesome. He knelt down next to me and asked what was wrong, and I was able to tell him after a minute of thinking, it was hard for me to concentrate on anything but not blacking out. He got a couple aides to come help, grabbed a vitals cart, and helped me into the nearest empty patient’s room and had me lay down on the bed. 

He sent an aide for an oxygen tank and cannula after he checked my vitals and saw how low my intake was, even though I was breathing rapidly. Funny side note: the aide he sent in had never used an oxygen tank and didn’t know how to set it up. When he left to call 9-1-1 she was trying to figure it out, and I was coaching her and telling her how to hook it up, it was really funny in the moment. Working with the elderly at another facility for a year helps you know oxygen tanks like the back of your hand J He called 9-1-1 and then my parents, and EMS arrived shortly after. They were very good, they talked through everything with me, put a heart monitor on me, and talked to my parents about getting me checked out by a specialist, which I eventually did go see a cardiologist who helped. They were patient and understanding, and did a great job. My next story is not nearly as pleasant…

We had a patient one night who had a craniotomy because she had literally picked a hole in her scalp clear down to her brain, she suffered from some obsessive compulsive tendencies if I remember right. Anyway, she wasn’t a fall risk or even very dependent on us, so she was at the room at the very end of the facility. The nurse went to get her the night meds, and found her on the bathroom floor barely moving, and she had hit her head on the tile flooring when she fell. We had no idea how long she had been laying there. The nurse hit the CODE EMERGENCY button and I sprinted down there. We got her in bed, the nurse did neuro checks and decided we needed to go have her checked out at the hospital. She called 9-1-1 and two EMTs were sent in whom we have affectionately nicknamed Dumb and Dumber. (that was sarcastic for those of you who don’t know me) They came in, and whenever EMS comes in, the nurse has all the paperwork of emergency contacts, medication lists, etc. ready, and gives them an account of what happened as soon as they come in. I kid you not when I say that neither was paying attention enough to listen the first 2x she gave them a verbal report, and finally had to get mad at them so they would actually listen. They evaluated her, taking a good ten minutes, which is way too long for a simple neuro evaluation and transport when they aren’t as trained as our nurse, who is telling them to ship her. 

They decide to transport her, and they need to put a neck brace on her. One just stood there while the other slowly played with the plastic on it. I finally offered to open it for him to speed up the process, both the nurse and I are pretty upset by this point. We have no idea how long this patient has been hurt, and something could be seriously wrong, and these boys can’t seem to get it into gear. He gets it on her and puts the backboard under her and the two of them proceed to slide it with her on it from the bed to the stretcher. I am not joking when I tell you that they dropped her. Two full grown men doing a slide, not even a lift! I am a woman, and with another woman I can lift a patient her size EASILY without a board, and they dropped her. My nurse and I had seen enough, and told them to get out of the way. She and I did the lift, while they fumbled and tried to help. We put her on the stretcher and followed them down the hallway, wondering at this point if they were capable of putting her in the ambulance and driving five minutes away to the nearest hospital. 

Excluding dumb and dumber, I have been very impressed with the EMS teams that come to my facility, it is always a relief when they walk in the door (and it never hurts that they are usually good looking ;) )