Dimple's Discoveries

        Four years ago I went on my first emergency call with police to a domestic violence scene. One call was all it took, and I knew I was made for advocacy. At 18 years old I had already seen my first case of domestic violence at my job in a geriatric center where I literally jumped between the victim and her abuser (do not try this at home!), and knew deep in my soul that I could do this for the rest of my life. I have seen some of the darkest horrors human beings can inflict on each other. I have cried with victims as they've shared their stories from hell and fought PTSD as a result. I've held clients as they shake after a night terror or assessed injuries to determine medical care. For years I've mediated conflicts, counseled endlessly, and encouraged and empowered women to rise from the ashes. Looking back makes me wish that the 24 year old woman I am could write a letter to the 18 year old girl I was, so here are the five lessons I've learned as an advocate...

I have been afraid countless times. Unfortunately being afraid is not an emotion I lack. It's not uncommon for me to be on high alert as I walk in a dark alley, as I am home alone and hear a loud noise, or even when someone touches me unexpectedly. However, these momentary times when your heartbeat stops for a second are not the ones I am referring to. Tonight I will tell you about the time I felt true fear. We've all heard of it, and some, I'm sure, have already experienced it's cold and rough grip: The mind-stopping, heart racing, time-slowing fear that flows like ice through our veins and freezes us where we stand. This fear that can so quickly penetrate every cell of our bodies and souls can be paralyzing; a lesson I was soon to learn. I work in dangerous situations all the time with my line of work, both at the county jail and as an advocate. Perhaps I had become accustomed to the thought, or was incredibly naive about my work... either way I was not emotion...

My partner and I pull into a trailer park, spot the police cars and park near them, and notice the neighbors gathered outside talking quietly in circles, giving us wary looks. I don my 'Family Crisis Center' badge, grab my binder and we head to the trailer, as red and blue lights revolve intermittently on the outside walls of the trailer and on us. We knock and are let in by a police officer who proceeds to brief us on the situation: the husband started a verbal fight, and escalated to slamming his wife’s head into the fridge by holding a fistful of her hair, choking her son when he tried to intervene, and by threatening to kill her when he called from the jail asking for bail money. I sit on a dirty recliner listening to this woman cry out her frustration, her fears, and her despair. Her children sit nearby, quietly supporting her and occasionally rubbing her arm in an effort to console the inconsolable. Had her daughter not called the police, who called us, we might neve...

Every aide has had scary moments on the job where they were in danger. I had never imagined when I first started my CNA course that I would ever be put in any dangerous situations. I thought it would all be very predictable and boring work. I was wrong. The first time I ever even knew we could be in danger was a patient who was 6'2'' if memory serves me right, his wife had recently died, and he was determined to die. He had quit eating and drinking as well as taking his medication, and would just lay in bed all day and night. He was refusing to shower or go to the bathroom, and changing him was a nightmare. I came into work one day with a note in the book to see the med tech before I hit the floor. I soon learned that one of our older aides had gone in his room to help him into the shower, and he was livid. She wasn't backing down and he got up, knocked her backwards where she hit the wall, grabbed an oxygen tank above his head and went after her. By a miracle our tra...